You should get married. You over there, however, should not.

My little sister and I were having a conversation recently, and she mentioned how she is annoyed by people who say that marriage is pointless. That it is "just a piece of paper", and they don't need it to prove anything. Now, I don't necessarily think that everyone needs to get married. However, I do think that couples, especially ones with children, should make sure to have some sort of legal documents if they choose to not marry. Such as a power of attorney, or a living will. Take for example, my sister and her boyfriend. They have been together for 20 years. That is more then half their lives. They have a child together, and are married in every way but legally. In their case, getting married would really only affect them legally. For instance, right now, if my not quite brother-in-law were to be injured and unable to make medical decisions for himself. His daughter is only 5, and he is not married to my sister. So, all medical decisions would fall on his mother. Luckily my sister gets along great with her, but that is not the case for everyone, and if you disagree with the decision that they make, you have no legal leg to stand on. Then on the other hand, some people get married to soon, or for the wrong reasons, and then end up divorced within a year. If you choose to get married, it should not be after only 4 months of dating, for insurance, or because you got pregnant. I get especially annoyed when couples end up with a surprise pregnancy, and are suddenly "engaged". No ring, no wedding planning, just forever engaged. Then they break up 6 months after the baby is born, still no ring, or wedding planning ever having happened. Or in some cases, the girl tragically suffers a miscarriage, and there is never a mention of the engagement again. Now, if you really feel that you need to get married because you are pregnant, fine. Get married. Do not, however, get "engaged" with no actual plans to marry, just because you think it's more socially acceptable. If you want to get married, get married. If you don't, then don't. However, please make sure that you are doing it, or not doing it, for the right reasons.

Your name is what...?

I was commenting on a friend's status recently, and I saw that another person had commented as well. A person by the name of Everlasting Gobstopper. Um...really?? I have noticed this trend. People put incredibly odd things in place of their name. But why? I know it was big on Myspace, to put weird things instead of your name as your "headline". However, on FB, it specifically asks for your first and last name when you sign up. So, what posses a person to put things like Everlasting Gobstopper,Little Bit, or K Nasty? Is your actual name too boring? Are you trying to remain incognito? Is it a witness protection thing? If it is, you might want to remove the 75 pictures of yourself, in the bathroom, making kissy face. Flashing a peace sign. This brings me to my next issue. Is it just me, or have young ladies become quite narcissistic these day? They will have quite literally (and I really DO mean literally Holly) hundreds of pictures of themselves, that they took, themselves. Usually in the bathroom. With almost always the same pose. Some have the kissy face/peace sign combo, others prefer the pout. Some do the half smile, look off to the side pose, while others do the "I'm too cool to smile" look. Now, of course, there is nothing wrong with having pictures of yourself. How else will people know that you really are you?  If you just got a haircut/color, or recently lost weight, or have a baby bump to show off, by all means, take the picture and post it! However, you don't need 17 albums that are all yourself, in the bathroom mirror. Also, if you are the beach, then bikini pictures are okay, and understandable. But a picture of yourself in a bikini, in the mirror, is just kinda silly. Now maybe I'm just old. I never got into the taking pictures of myself trend. I feel weird doing it, and I don't like having a ton of pictures of myself on my FB. It makes me feel vain. At one point I actually had none at all. Then my sister called to inform me that I needed to add some, so when my niece Lilliana asked to see my pictures, I was actually in some! So, I added a few. However, when I want a picture of myself, I hand the camera to whomever is nearby, and have THEM take the picture. If you like the way it looks when you take the picture of yourself, then by all means, carry on. But you don't need to add every single picture that you have ever taken of yourself to FB. That is what sites like Photobucket and Snapfish are for ;-)

You're how old...?

Okay, as you all know, the bad grammar/extra letters, things like that, annoy me. It's even worse, however, when it is adults doing it. I have come to expect it from the under 18 crowd. But, if you are old enough to legally drink in the United States, you should AT LEAST be able to spell the word 'what'. It is not wat, people, it is what. Also, although "gonna" is technically not proper, it is widely accepted. However, it is not gunna or ginna. It is short for "going to", therefore, it is g-o-n-n-a. I have a teenage girl and her mother both on FB. And sadly, they talk EXACTLY THE SAME! That brings me to another complaint I have. What is the deal with people taking pictures of themselves and their boyfriends (because I never, ever see married people doing this one) kissing, and posting them on FB?? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but I don't need 75 pictures of us kissing to prove that. Which must be why I don't see this in the married folk. Anytime I see these pictures posted, it makes me think that the poster is either trying to flaunt their relationship to someone, or they are excited to finally be "grown up" enough to have a relationship. The exceptions to this, are pictures others take, such as wedding kisses, or kisses when a child is born. Now I don't object to the actual taking of these pictures of yourself kissing whomever you choose. But why do they need to go on FB, especially as your profile pic? Oh, and one last thing. If the way you are sitting on your boyfriend's lap can also be considered a sexual position, then it is not appropriate in front of family. Straddling him is NOT the same as sitting on his lap. FYI.

Get your own oven!

Something that I have notice in life, is that some people just enjoy being miserable. We all have that friend, or family member, who complains about everything, but when you try to help/offer a solution, they have a million reasons why "that just won't work". Well, it is even worse on FB. It goes something like this:

Complainer: I really want ribs for dinner, but I don't have any here :-(
Helpful Friend: Go to the store silly!
Complainer: I don't have a car :( :(
Helpful Friend: I can drive you if you want.
Complainer: I have no money, it sucks.
Helpful Friend: Awww! Well I will buy them for you!
Complainer: I don't have an oven either, and never will.
Helpful Friend: I have two ovens! Take one of mine.
Complainer: I have no room in my house for ovens. It's too small. Boo hoo :( :(
Helpful Friend: I have two houses too. I'll give you one of those as well :)
Complainer: I'm just gonna order a pizza.
Helpful Friend: .....

*New Post*
Complainer: I sure wish I had some ribs to go with my pizza!

I'm sure you have all seen those posts, or a variation of them. Maybe you've even been the helpful friend at some point. I know I have! I once had a friend like that. I tried and tried to help her all the time. She always had a reason why it wouldn't work. So, I no longer offer my help. Go ahead and vent to me, I'll still listen. But if I have offered you help, or solutions, and you just continue to complain and refuse to take the help, I won't offer it anymore. I do have many friends and family that at least TRY my solutions, or take my offers to help. So I continue to try to help those ones whenever possible. But the few that are still waiting on ribs, well, they will just have to get their own ovens!

I never wanted a daughter....

It's true. I admit it. I wanted all sons. With Matthew, I knew the moment that the test turned positive that he was a boy. And that was exactly what I wanted him to be. With Alyssa, everyone assumed that I wanted a girl, since I already had a boy. But no, I wanted Matthew to have a brother. Instead, I got my princess, Alyssa. I never wanted a daughter....until I had one. Now, of course, I love my sons. Adore them even. After all, I only wanted sons, remember? And I was blessed with two wonderful boys. But that girl of mine... she is something else. She is such a girly girl sometimes. She loves to wear pink, loves dresses, purses, and My Little Ponies. She puts on her pretty pink dresses, has me brush her hair and put in pink bows, and goes outside to play in the dirt, with her best buddy, a worm, by her side. I never realized how cool it would be to have a little girl, who looks up to me so much. The other day, she wanted a fake tattoo on. She asked me to put it on her ankle, the right one, because that is where my tattoo is. Now, she tells me, we are twins. Just today she came out of her room in her Hello Kitty dress, with her pink sunglasses on, and her purse on her arm. She informed me that she is a mom, just like me, because she has a purse, just like me. But she is also 100% her own person, even at her young age. She is a little fashionista. The child is better at picking out matching outfits for herself then I am! That is all her, she certainly did not get that from me. Today, while I was browsing pictures online to get ideas for a haircut, she kept stopping me to tell me what hairstyles she loved. She has also decided that she wants to be an artist one day, more specifically, a painter. And I think it may just happen. She is my little artist already. She draws "abstracts", colors, and can draw a person much better then I can! We are the only girls, her and I, surrounded by boys. And us girls have to stick together. Especially when Lucas gets older and joins his daddy and big brother, doing all the "guy stuff". I always felt like I would be better at raising sons. I have never been very 'girly'. But, as it turns out, raising a little girl is pretty great too!

Stop Complaining!!!!

I think one of the things I hate on FB almost as much as the grammar and extra letters, is the constant complaining by certain people. My kids drive me nuts sometimes too. They bicker, they (and by they I mean ALYSSA, lol) run in the house, and sometimes forget to use their indoor voices. My husband isn't perfect either. He almost never remembers to take the garbage out, he leaves dishes and dirty clothes everywhere, and he can be a giant pain in the behind. And while we are on this subject, I don't always get along with my four sisters either. But I don't feel the need to post EVERY SINGLE DAY about how my kids are so terrible, and I can't handle them. Nor do I take to FB to declare my impending divorce each and every time I'm upset with my husband. Or disown my sisters once a week, when one of them irritates me. And do you know why? Because I'm not crazy. Come on now people. If your life is really that awful, you don't need to tell the FB community about it, you need to tell a therapist! Yes, we all need to vent once in awhile. I personally like to use the aforementioned four sisters to vent to, or the husband. Or one of my friends. Sometimes all of the above. But sometimes venting on FB just kinda happens. That is fine. But when every, or nearly every, one of your posts is complaining in some way about your awful kids, husband, family, or life in general, then something has to give. I have noticed as well, the ones who declare that "it's really over this time" after every fight with their spouse, never actually get the divorce. However, the two couples that I know who recently split up, never said a single word about it on FB. If you paid close enough attention, you may have noticed that one changed her relationship status to divorced, while one changed her's to single. Other than that, no indication whatsoever. Your drama and dirty laundry does not need to be aired for all the world to see. Also, while you are complaining about how awful your kids are, there is a mother out there somewhere wishing she could hold her baby one more time. Please keep that in mind.

It's all about the reaction...

That is what I tell my kids. How you react to a situation can change everything. This applies to adults too. Take my children, for instance. If I tell them to clean their room, and I get screams, fits, crying or attitude, that just makes me get a garbage bag and take care of it that way. However, if I get "okay, mom" and they do their best, I'm happy. Even if it isn't perfect. Or if Alyssa smacks Matthew. If he smacks her back, then they are both in trouble. But if he comes and tells me, then she will be the only one in trouble. Obviously this is all common sense, and most parents feel this way. But what about for yourself? How YOU react matters too. Not only does it shape how your kids react to things, but it also can change the whole dynamic of situations. If your child has a fit in public (and let's face it, we've all been there!), how you react can shape not only that fit, but all future fits. Now this is just MY opinion, but I think a lot of parents these days are too wimpy. If my kid has a fit either at home, or in public, I pick her up and remove her from the situation. End of story. I personally think that spending 20 minutes trying to reason with a 4 year old who is having a tantrum is insane. And because of my reaction, my daughter very rarely has fits in public. At home she is more willing, since that just gets her put in her bed. But if she has to leave the park/store/etc. that is no fun. I even once used this technique while babysitting my niece. We were trying to go for a walk, she started to have a fit and refused to move because Alyssa sat where she wanted to sit in the wagon. I didn't have the time to sit and reason with her, and I wasn't going to force Alyssa to move just to stop the fit. I had a crying baby who wanted to be moving NOW. So, I said "Nope, we are going", picked her up, set her in the wagon, and off we went. She pouted for about 30 seconds, then she was fine the entire rest of the time. I have never used it on a child not related to me though, so maybe it wouldn't work as well on a kid that isn't used to it ;) Anyway, it's not just about how you react to your kids. It's how you react to everything. Whether it's your husband forgetting to take out the garbage, your boss ticking you off, or the neighbor's dog barking all night long. Your reaction can make a bad situation better, or worse. So tell me, how do you react to things? How about your kids? I will admit that I am not always calm and rational. But I am trying my best to be. I want my kids to grow up to be able to handle bad moments with grace and good humor. They already talk about "reactions" all the time. Alyssa will ask me at least once a day if she is having good reactions today. Or if Matthew gets angry, she will say "Matthew, remember, reactions!" You can't control every situation, and life will not always be fair, or perfect. But you can control your own reactions.